making adjustments

it seems that's what i've had to make the majority of my adult life..

adjustments to hubby number 1 - albeit those were self-preservation as he was an alcoholic, drug using wife beater..always adjusting to his moods to avoid personal damage

adjustments to having children - kid 1 was a huge adjustment, numbers 2 and 3 were just multiples of the first

adjustments to being single - with 3 kids, LOL..and being responsible..then finding out i wasn't responsible and adjusting to poverty

adjustments to hubby number 2 - much older than me and VERY set in his ways..adjusting to being treated like a queen..adjusting to his death

adjustments to being pagan - being outside the mainstream..finally relieved of the guilt over not being a good catholic/christian..adjusting to a faith that is my own, not someone else's

adjustments to being single, again - and finally being far more fiscally responsible..adjusting to being 40 something and past your prime..trying to adjust to a boyfriend 18 yrs your junior - failing miserably - and getting dumped for the first time in life

adjusting to hubby number 3 - (i know, i'm trying to catch up to liz taylor)..this one seems to be the hardest..maybe now i'm the one who is old and set in her ways..maybe it's because he's not american..maybe it's time for me to let go of a lifetime of insecurity about myself

adjusting to the goddess smacking me upside the head -- by finally recognizing while writing this which one of my deep seated shadows i need to face and move through