Appreciation that I don't live in a black hole
I think I've mentioned before that I work with a group of white, republican males. Very right leaning republican males. So in the course of the day I hear a lot of discussion about material things. I also hear a lot of bitching and moaning about wives, children, etc. For a bunch of people who have SO MUCH they are SO MISERABLE.
But they really have very little.
When I moved up to VA 12 yrs ago I came with my CPU in a suitcase cushioned with some clothes, two backpacks and a 5 yr old in tow. I had left behind my entire life and whatever material goods I hadn't lost in my divorce, eviction and shelter stint. Everything I valued I carried with me. Trust me, that teaches you what's important in life.
So the new "things" here are monster flat screen tv's and high end appliances. This is accompanied with the constant barrage of how I should spend MY money. Um, I don't make as much as they do. I don't get multiple bonuses in the four figure range throughout the year. I don't get a free, insured company car. I'm not married to someone who makes 5-6 figures a year. I don't own my home, boats, several cars, vacation homes. I don't HAVE disposable income. Hello!
I also don't have relationships I'm unhappy in.
The wives, the girlfriends, the kids, the in-laws, the friends in the social circles - all of them make these mens lives MISERABLE. They don't get laid enough, they don't do enough work, they don't spend enough money, they don't HAVE enough money, they can't keep up with the Jones'. WTF?
For years I've subscribed to the belief that misery loves company. People who are unhappy love to spread that unhappiness. They want others to be miserable. They need someone to either comiserate with or feel better about themselves because that person is worse off. Well damn that's pretty shitty IMO.
I used to argue all these issues with them but realized it's pointless. Clearly their accumulation of "stuff" is what they use to fill what are basically empty lives. "See? I get a new car every year! I'm smiling! I'm happy! Ignore the fact that I don't talk to my wife! I'm happy!" They see my life as being absolutely barren, so surely I need to fill it with "stuff" to make me happy like them.
I don't think so.
Some of what bothers me is how they take all they have for granted. The fact that they see all this as their due is a post for another day, but still they don't seem to understand what things are truly important in life. Is there some jealousy on my part? Well duh, of course there's some. I'd love to own my own home, get a new car, go on vacations. More than any of that I'd love to have someone who loves me next to me at night.
And here is where I get really pissed at them and want to pull out the Louisville Slugger I keep by my desk.
I don't understand how you can claim to love someone and complain about them all the time. If they're so imperfect, if they don't make you happy, if they constantly get on your nerves, if they don't understand you, why the HELL are you still with them? (The only one who doesn't complain about his wife is the Butterfly as they are blissfully happy. Given our relationship I find this hilarious.) Are they trying to keep up a front? Do they feel that since this is what society expects of them they have to conform? Are they afraid to be alone? Is it just cheaper to keep her? I have nfc. I do know that if I were that unhappy I'd have to get the fuck out. Plain and simple. Nothing is worth that much misery. No one is worth all that personal grief.
What the fuck point was I making? Oh yeah, filling the black hole that is your life with stuff to fool yourself into thinking your life is grand.
Well from their perspective my life is teh MAJOR SUCK. And yeah, it is most of the time. I don't have all the shit I want but I learned awhile ago I don't need all of that. But I DO have in my life a group of people I love with all my heart. People who can drive me apeshit but I love so much it's ok and I have no reason to complain about it. It's part of who they are. And Goddess knows I drive them apeshit too.
As my friend Kara commented on my draft of this post "These are the same people who tell lies when the truth would serve them better. They cannot be honest with anyone, not even themselves."
She's right.
Let's face it, being honest with yourself is very, very difficult. I know. I work hard at it every day. And it's so much easier to skim along the surface.
But they really have very little.
When I moved up to VA 12 yrs ago I came with my CPU in a suitcase cushioned with some clothes, two backpacks and a 5 yr old in tow. I had left behind my entire life and whatever material goods I hadn't lost in my divorce, eviction and shelter stint. Everything I valued I carried with me. Trust me, that teaches you what's important in life.
So the new "things" here are monster flat screen tv's and high end appliances. This is accompanied with the constant barrage of how I should spend MY money. Um, I don't make as much as they do. I don't get multiple bonuses in the four figure range throughout the year. I don't get a free, insured company car. I'm not married to someone who makes 5-6 figures a year. I don't own my home, boats, several cars, vacation homes. I don't HAVE disposable income. Hello!
I also don't have relationships I'm unhappy in.
The wives, the girlfriends, the kids, the in-laws, the friends in the social circles - all of them make these mens lives MISERABLE. They don't get laid enough, they don't do enough work, they don't spend enough money, they don't HAVE enough money, they can't keep up with the Jones'. WTF?
For years I've subscribed to the belief that misery loves company. People who are unhappy love to spread that unhappiness. They want others to be miserable. They need someone to either comiserate with or feel better about themselves because that person is worse off. Well damn that's pretty shitty IMO.
I used to argue all these issues with them but realized it's pointless. Clearly their accumulation of "stuff" is what they use to fill what are basically empty lives. "See? I get a new car every year! I'm smiling! I'm happy! Ignore the fact that I don't talk to my wife! I'm happy!" They see my life as being absolutely barren, so surely I need to fill it with "stuff" to make me happy like them.
I don't think so.
Some of what bothers me is how they take all they have for granted. The fact that they see all this as their due is a post for another day, but still they don't seem to understand what things are truly important in life. Is there some jealousy on my part? Well duh, of course there's some. I'd love to own my own home, get a new car, go on vacations. More than any of that I'd love to have someone who loves me next to me at night.
And here is where I get really pissed at them and want to pull out the Louisville Slugger I keep by my desk.
I don't understand how you can claim to love someone and complain about them all the time. If they're so imperfect, if they don't make you happy, if they constantly get on your nerves, if they don't understand you, why the HELL are you still with them? (The only one who doesn't complain about his wife is the Butterfly as they are blissfully happy. Given our relationship I find this hilarious.) Are they trying to keep up a front? Do they feel that since this is what society expects of them they have to conform? Are they afraid to be alone? Is it just cheaper to keep her? I have nfc. I do know that if I were that unhappy I'd have to get the fuck out. Plain and simple. Nothing is worth that much misery. No one is worth all that personal grief.
What the fuck point was I making? Oh yeah, filling the black hole that is your life with stuff to fool yourself into thinking your life is grand.
Well from their perspective my life is teh MAJOR SUCK. And yeah, it is most of the time. I don't have all the shit I want but I learned awhile ago I don't need all of that. But I DO have in my life a group of people I love with all my heart. People who can drive me apeshit but I love so much it's ok and I have no reason to complain about it. It's part of who they are. And Goddess knows I drive them apeshit too.
As my friend Kara commented on my draft of this post "These are the same people who tell lies when the truth would serve them better. They cannot be honest with anyone, not even themselves."
She's right.
Let's face it, being honest with yourself is very, very difficult. I know. I work hard at it every day. And it's so much easier to skim along the surface.
posted by greer at
5:07 PM
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