2 beers and 1 swiss mushroom burger later

Well today is not a good one at all.

I am obsessed with smoking a cigarette because I'm stressed out and that cigarette would relieve some of that stress. The stress is mostly sexual but that's another post entirely.

Of course, I realize this is a complete lie and that smoking while stressed is a learned habit I need to un-learn.

But that doesn't help the fact that I WANT A CIGARETTE NAO!

All of this of course leads me to ponder why the hell I don't have this much self-control over the REST of my life?

It certainly isn't limited to control over the physical - I've been whining to myself for 6 months I need to start walking again and yet here I still sit.

I KNOW I have no control over the emotional - 3 marriages and an affair with a married man are evidence of that.

So I have to apply myself to discovering what the deal is. And hopefully once I figure it out I can use it in OTHER areas of my life which desperately need it.


now playing on my iPod "Grind" Alice in Chains