Oral fixations or how I'm gaining 900 lbs

I have nfc how I'm managing to continue quitting smoking.

That's not to say that I don't have SERIOUS MAJOR MIND NUMBING cravings, but somehow I manage to get through them. I haven't smoked a cigarette in almost a week. That is amazing to me.

I realized I needed to adjust the times I take the Chantix though. 5am is just too early as it starts to wear off by 1pm and I don't get the second pill til about 4:30pm. So today I waited til about 7am and the afternoon went smoother. I still get a mild headache everyday which a single aspirin seems to relieve.

I will however, weigh at least 900lbs by the time I quit. I really have problems with the oral thing. I have lollipops and all but I think the eating is making up for the not smoking. Well duh, yeah it is. Sucking the Butterfly's dick is only going so far to satisfy that oral fixation, but he's all about "helping the cause in any way he can". Dweeb.

You're also supposed to change your routines around if they involved smoking. However I was reading on the quitting cold turkey site that wasn't wise. Even after you quit you'll still have certain routines you associate with smoking and that could cause you to start again. That made complete sense to me, so rather than change the routines I just modified them somewhat. That not smoking after eating though is a BITCH - especially since I'm a human garbage disposal right now.

The vivid dreams are still there, add to that the fucking night sweats from perimenopause and the enhanced insomnia and I'm a mess. But I'm a healthier mess. Did I mention I may go back to being a vegetarian when this is over? I felt at my healthiest in life back then. We'll see. Have to do it slowly.

I will say this, I celebrated the Esbat by myself last night and it was an intense experience. I felt CLEANER inside and that made a MAJOR difference in the magic. It flowed much freer and even carried through to today. Very, very cool.

now playing on my iPod "Stigmata Martyr" Abney Park