Clawing and scratching

I really have no idea how I'm going to quit smoking.

Today is my first official smoke free day and I'm ready to claw the skin off my body.

I've tried to keep busy - I made chicken noodle soup from scratch, I washed clothes, I watched a couple old movies I haven't seen since I was a child, I argued with my sliding-back-into-delinquency son, I took a nap, I sat outside - AND IT'S NOT EVEN FUCKING 6 PM!!!!

I managed not to dig through the trash and find a butt to smoke, I REALLY managed not to go out and buy a fucking pack of smokes either.

I can get through the need to smoke impulses so far, it's the physical withdrawal that is hell. And this is ONLY day one. And I can't call the Butterfly so he can make me laugh and forget this shit for awhile and that sux.

Now I have to figure out how I'm going to get through the next 4-5 hrs. Let alone the next 11 weeks.

Sigh.