A witch's job is to turn the wheel

I'm turning the Wheel.

Today and tomorrow the Pagan community celebrates Samhain, the end of the year, a time when the veil between the worlds is thin.

I've been on a crying jag this past week. Fall asleep crying, wake up crying, struggle not to cry during the day. Fuck I'm crying now. And it's not hormones.

I'm crying because I miss the dead husband. I miss him horribly and I have yet to go through all the phases of grief. And he's always with me and now he's closer than usual because of the season.

I know why he's so close. I know what he's trying to tell me. I know what he wants of me. I know and I'm just scared. He's trying to let me know my fear is an illusion. He's trying to let me know I'm safe.

My father is here too. He's reminding me of who I am and what I'm made of. Reminding me that life should be enjoyed to the fullest in whatever little way it gives you. To never have regrets.

My grandmother is here. She's trying to remind me of the countless generations of strong women who's blood is in me. That no matter how hard it is, life goes onward and so do I.

My aunt is also here. Gone the longest yet never gone. Reminding me of my intelligence and capabilities. Reminding me that I can be alone and survive. To allow my faith to carry me through the hard times.

My altar is prepared. Their pictures (which you will see over the next few days) are up. The scrying bowl is ready. The candles are lit, flowers are all around and the incense is rising.

They're here and they love me. It's time to go.

Blessed Samhain to you.