On peanuts, birthdays and regrets
22 years ago today I gave birth to #2 son, Sean.
I think I've said before that he's my favorite, if parents are allowed to have favorites. During the period of my horrendous first marriage there was a lull in the drama when I loved my husband. There was little abuse, he was the charming, funny, sexy, fun man I thought I had married 6 yrs prior. Out of that brief oasis Sean was conceived and came into this world very much loved.
He's the most sensitive of my boys. He's also very quiet, very observant. He's most like me truth be told. He also looks like me. He's the one I bestowed my Irish heritage on with his name. Like his mother, he also holds his anger in and let's it seethe until it comes rolling out like thunder. He also holds and nurses resentment and revenge until the point he can unleash it on whoever has wronged him.
Sean has had the roughest go as well. In 1998 he chose to move with his older brother back to Ohio with their father. Suffice it to say his father did nothing remotely responsible as a parent, culminating in his getting drunk, taking a loaded 45 and threatening Sean with it. A month before the dead husband died I got a call out of the blue from Sean saying he had been placed in a halfway house because his father had been arrested for attempted murder. The dead husband and I prepared for Sean's arrival (he wasn't quite 18), the dead husband died and Sean came to live with me and LCpl Tyler.
Sadly, the time he spent with his father nurtured a heart wrenching laziness in Sean that I can't shake him out of. I don't subscribe to admitting regrets in life like many people do. However, not being there to raise my son during the important years of his life IS a regret I admit to.
My wish for my favored son is that he finds his place in life and puts all his effort into making the most of it. I wish that he would ask questions more and not continue to internalize the fuck-all shit his father filled him with. Of all 3, Sean is the oldest soul.
Happy Birthday, Peanut. Mommy loves you.
I think I've said before that he's my favorite, if parents are allowed to have favorites. During the period of my horrendous first marriage there was a lull in the drama when I loved my husband. There was little abuse, he was the charming, funny, sexy, fun man I thought I had married 6 yrs prior. Out of that brief oasis Sean was conceived and came into this world very much loved.
He's the most sensitive of my boys. He's also very quiet, very observant. He's most like me truth be told. He also looks like me. He's the one I bestowed my Irish heritage on with his name. Like his mother, he also holds his anger in and let's it seethe until it comes rolling out like thunder. He also holds and nurses resentment and revenge until the point he can unleash it on whoever has wronged him.
Sean has had the roughest go as well. In 1998 he chose to move with his older brother back to Ohio with their father. Suffice it to say his father did nothing remotely responsible as a parent, culminating in his getting drunk, taking a loaded 45 and threatening Sean with it. A month before the dead husband died I got a call out of the blue from Sean saying he had been placed in a halfway house because his father had been arrested for attempted murder. The dead husband and I prepared for Sean's arrival (he wasn't quite 18), the dead husband died and Sean came to live with me and LCpl Tyler.
Sadly, the time he spent with his father nurtured a heart wrenching laziness in Sean that I can't shake him out of. I don't subscribe to admitting regrets in life like many people do. However, not being there to raise my son during the important years of his life IS a regret I admit to.
My wish for my favored son is that he finds his place in life and puts all his effort into making the most of it. I wish that he would ask questions more and not continue to internalize the fuck-all shit his father filled him with. Of all 3, Sean is the oldest soul.
Happy Birthday, Peanut. Mommy loves you.
posted by greer at
3:45 PM
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