where I invoke the name of this blog

** the original name of this blog was "colorized paganism" **

Ok, let me type like the edumacated person I am.

So, I have 3 blogs and have ignored them all for months on end because life has been so shitty and I prefer losing myself in the Sims instead. I realized the past few days that I've missed blogging so I'll shift things here and leave the other 2 behind for awhile.

That said, I was cleaning out my email (I'm horrible at that and usually just let things disappear on their own) and came across the reminder from the Open Hearth Foundation that the National Capitol Region Pagan Pride Week begins Sept. 6th.

(oh goody)

I attended the event in NoVa where I live (I avoid DC and MD like the PLAGUE) and made some observations I'm anxious to re-investigate this year -

Pagan white folks are just as bigoted as regular christian white folks

Uh, if you didn't know, I'm a half breed. Yes, that's what I self-identify as. I don't identify as black (except when I'm forced to by society). Mom's black, Dad was white, I'm the best of both. End of discussion.

So anywho..My personal experiences within the pagan community are really no different from those within our secular community as a whole. A lot of blank stares, on-edge conversations, fake smiles - you know, the same shit you get in this country if you're NOT white in a group of white folks who are either a) nervous; b) have no clue how to converse with a person of color; c) closet bigots; d) open bigots; e) drowning in "white guilt" or f) all of the above.

(yeah, i'm fucking FRANK)

But I think I know another reason why my fellow pagans are less than welcoming - THEY THINK THEY HAVE THE LOCK ON PAGANISM.

(i laugh..i laugh out loud)

Um, maybe I was taught something radical in my youth, but didn't we all come the hell up out of Africa? So, like wouldn't that make Africans the ORIGINAL polytheists? Sorta makes everyone else a wannabe, no?

And this struck me after the events last year when I had a brief but enlightening email discourse with Isaac Bonewits (warning: hero worship SQUEE!!) who told me that Voudun was his first experience with paganism. (He said some other shit I can't remember nor can I locate the friggin emails now.) But the gist of the convo was that white folks forget that there's more to paganism than just wicca, druidism etc. - those "traditional" white pagan practices.

So to make what could be a VERY long story short - I can't wait til this year's event. I want to see just how open the white folks are this go round. Now let me clarify this - not all white pagans are assholes. I wouldn't be interested in the slightest in attending anything pagan if they were. I have met and know a lot of normal folks who couldn't give a fuck whether you're orange or magenta. They tend to be my friends or merchants who's businesses I frequent often (i.e. 13 magickal moons). I won't even get into the women in my circle who are colorblind, that's another post entirely.

(and yes, at some point I'll rant about black folks too - I'm an equal opportunity shit stirrer!)

o!

**note that most everything from 2006 to this date was deleted and stored for exploitation in future posts, I only left a handful of things -- I also decided to write like a civilized person and use grammar and stuff, what you see below is how I talk IRL**

So now I feel 'potent cuz Miss Anne commented..wait, that came out WAY wrong sounding....

Lemme put it this way, I'm flattered beyond words. I read her blog every day, she's pure genius.

Hmm, well while I'm here what is new? Not much except for the first time in my life my blood pressure is up. I'm really getting OLD it seems, something I am not handling well, although I've already had my midlife crisis several times over.

Anyway, in the past year I've faced - and passed through - my 3 greatest fears: going to jail, being evicted and being alone the rest of my life. I went to jail for a night for hitting the juvenile delinquent (Tyler) - charges dismissed - $2k later, correct response, incorrect instrument (a ruler to the leg, sheesh); MAJOR misunderstanding on the rent with the landlord - her fault, no foul; being alone, well that one is the toughest and I'll prolly have to work through it the rest of my days. Despite marriage #3 I am still in deep grief over the death of #2, can't shake it, still weep daily 4 yrs later.

All of which brings me back to my faith/spirituality/whateveruwannacallit. Being pagan FORCES you to deal with shit yourself and not blame others/things/the gods. When I look back at all the hell I've lived I can honestly say I have never blamed anyone or anything else for my problems, they're mine, I own them, I solve them or don't make them again.

However, there has always been that little voice inside of me kicking my ass back into gear and reminding me that it's OK, you can handle it. And I have - with Her patience

I don't think there is anyone or anything that could tear me away from this - ever

well yeah whoa again

if i hadn't HAD to post a reply to one of my favorite pagan bloggers anne johnson (requiring me to log in) i prolly wouldn't be posting :)

anywho..NOT that anyone reads this but life continues on..i have a juvenile delinquent in my 15 yr old..ex #1 REFUSES to help with him so i've had to resort to the (insert ominous organ music here) juvenile justice system..

well he's a shithead and drastic measures are called for..and since i can't kick him to the curb, i'll take the help my tax dollars subsidize..

otherwise, life is grand - pretty much..work is cool..my fantabulous circle of chicks is rolling along..we all had a shitty '07 and '08 hasn't been perfect, but we all have our health and that alone is a blessing..

i want mabon to get here..i think it's my favorite holiday..like thanksgiving is my favorite secular holiday..it's one big hug for me..gotta convince the chicks to go to the local CSA again this year for "pick your own"..for as much of a city girl i am nothing beats going out in the dirt and digging up your own food :)