Filling a Prescription

Tis been forever it seems since I've put fingers to keyboard.

Knitting has become a lifestyle. I've been making the Butterfly a sweater and it has truly turned into the Sweater From Hell. Just as I finally thought I could block it this weekend, I noticed that the sleeves aren't quite right. Well one sleeve to be specific. So I've had to frog it down 3/4 of the way. Sigh.

The good news is I've gotten almost all my other holiday projects finished. I had planned on blocking things all weekend but that's been unexpectedly delayed.

I have a date.

A date you say? When did this happen? Don't you have a friend with benefits? Arent' you just not interested in anyone? Who the fuck is this guy?

Hmm. Answers later. Perhaps. He shall forthwith be known as the PillPusher. Will this become serious? Trust me, my own inquiring mind wants to know. So far he seems normal, has little to no baggage (read: NO DAMN KIDS), makes a decent living, owns his own home and is also NOT interested in EVER tying the knot with ANYONE. On the surface those pretty much put him into the "we can work with this" category. Plus he's educated, witty, well read and has a firm command of the English language, both written and oral.

Clearly there's something wrong with him that I have yet to uncover. I don't have this kind of luck with men.

I just wonder how the hell I'm going to juggle two of them, lol.

The voice, dear Goddess THE VOICE!

I absolutely LOATHE Facebook.

I only signed up because my coven sisters LIVE ON IT and yadda yadda. So I've had a total of like um, 4 friends? Well eventually my niece decided to add me as a friend, so I was up to a whopping 5.

Anywho, a very nice person who I know and chit chat back and forth with in the Sims community is now a friend on FB. Well hell, since I was opening things up here, I sent Kimmie a friend request. Now this is only because she has asked me like a gajillion times why I wasn't on her friends list. (Um, cuz I talk to you IN PERSON like EVERY DAY so WTF?) Kimmie is the one who dragged me onto MySpace years ago. Sheesh the things we do for friends..

WELL HELL SINCE WE'RE OPENING ALL UP AND SHIT I now have 4 fucking photo albums on there too. I spent more time on FB today than I have in the year I've had it.

So Kimmie calls me and says "WTF? Your FB page like BLEW UP n' shit today". Really? You think?

Then to make things even weirder, I get an email out of the blue from one of the vendors at work asking me how I was doing and that he wanted to send me a FB invite but didn't want to freak me out or get me in trouble at work. So what the hell, why not? Sheesh.

(He doesn't realize yet that my FB is freak central and NSFW, but that's another story.)


The fun doesn't stop there. Oh my no. So let's move on to the title of this post. SJ over there on I, Asshole has a podcast with her friend Egg. So I skip on over to listen to it.

FYCL..SJ SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE ME

Now let me explain what I mean here. You know how your voice sounds in your head when you're speaking? And you know how your ACTUAL voice sounds if you hear a recording of it? Yeah, she has that actual voice.

Same intonation, same level, same inflection - almost the same accent. Now I'm very sensitive to this because I dislike my actual speaking voice. It doesn't sound like I think it should or people expect it to. In college I was told it was IDEAL for on-air work and I should go that route instead of production. I considered taking voice classes to soften the sharp edges to it. (Does that make sense? It's a very crisp voice. Very clear.)

Ok I'll be honest here, it's a 100% white girl voice. I can't count the number of times people have been SHOCKED to meet me after talking on the phone and finding out I'm black. Even ebonics sounds retarded coming out of my mouth because of my voice. I have to work hard to sound ghetto. Yeah, I'm very conscious of what my voice sounds like.

So I'm sitting here listening to MY VOICE (I'm older than SJ so I had it FIRST DAMMIT) and you know what? It's not bad on her. I guess that means it's not bad on me either. I'll have to keep listening to her. Maybe I'll learn to love OUR voice after all :)

Oh for the love of all that's holy

I am now the proud fucking owner of a facebook account.

WTF????

I'll never keep it up. I only joined cuz Gretchen asked me to. Holy shit I saw people over there IRL I'd rather not have cross over into my virtual life. They would be able to confirm my insanity and then I'd have to kill them.

And why the hell is my internet working? And do I really care? No, I have found a new lover called Comcast and once we've done the dirty, Verizon will get kicked to the curb.

No. I don't like this facebook thing at all the more I think of it. There are far too many temptations over there for information I have so far avoided like the plague. A good drunk night and I may go looking for things I'm better off not seeing. Like the profile of the owner of those lips up there.

Now my life is getting complications I really don't want. I've been happy being blissfully ignorant about stuff.

This is supposed to be the Year of the Ox on the Chinese calendar. I was born in the Year of the Ox, so I suppose that is a good thing? However, I was born in the month of the Monkey and hour of the Tiger - the Tiger is closest to my real real-life personality. I'm doomed to a life of fuckery. Well now I'm depressed coming from 3 different directions, mostly that facebook one. Go me.

I wonder if I can still become a Carmelite nun. It's that or death right about now.

Mostly it's close to the anniversary of the dead husband's death and that always makes me want to dig down through the dirt and crawl into the grave with him.

Oh HELLS YEAH. Just what I needed. Tears. Go fuckin' me.

Upon realizing I'm really a mean old lady

And don't give a damn.

That's right, I don't care that I'm evolving into a mean old lady. In fact, I'm reveling in it. I've spent my entire life giving a damn about other people, their lives, their happiness, their needs - I don't care anymore.

Now some of this stems directly from my future empty-nest. I can't wait for PFC Tyler to GET THE FUCK OUT. I'm tired of being a parent. It never was a job I actively pursued, TWA just didn't pull out in time and 9 mos later, there ya go. I did however, willingly accept the position once it was thrust on me, and did all I could to fulfill it as best as I could. But I'd like to retire from that now. I'd like to be in charge of just me.

Some of this comes from the various internet spaces I frequent. I'm tired of the pompous, the holier-than-thou, the idealogical zealots and the assholes. Really? You think you're all that? Mmkay. Your brand of feminism is better than mine? Get back with me when you're my age and actually lived a lifetime, little girl. God is going to punish me and I'm going to burn in hell? Not likely, I'm not a hypocrite and your version of him doesn't exist. Starting arguments with people just for the sake of arguing is all you got? Get a life, please. Black american folks are the most abused people on the planet? What are you, stupid?

So the Butterfly and I were comparing personality test results today and trying new ones and it's sad but true - I would be better off as a hermit in a cave with an army of the undead at my beck and call. Well I knew that, didn't need any silly old personality test to tell me. For the record, I'm an INTJ and an equal Type 5 & 8.

I used to like people. I used to like being around them, talking to them, getting to know them. The internet was a great way to do that. Yes, you take what they type with a grain of salt, but you're opening yourself up to the whole world. I think the longer I've been online though, the more insular I've become. I've realized that people really are fuckheads and I don't like fuckheads. In fact, I'd rather disassociate myself with everyone (except of course a very select few of which my children are not included). I'd definitely keep the Butterfly as he makes me laugh non-stop and the sex is great. I'm sitting here trying to add people to the list and sadly, I can't name anyone else. Sad, that. Obviously I only need laughter and sex from my fellow humans. On second thought, that's kinda funny.

So anyway yes, I'm becoming a mean old lady. If that's one of the roles of the Crone then I embrace it happily. At least it will keep all these damn kids off my lawn!

I can haz interwebs again, yay!

ZOMG! It's only taken almost 3 weeks for me to get this shit straight with Verizon! What I'm really, really trying to understand though is WHY THEY SHUT THE PHONE OFF WHEN THEY TURNED THE DSL BACK ON??? Huh? Can somebody PLEASE explain that one to me? So I had to go in late today to hang around here until the service guy came out - for the 2nd time in 2 weeks. Sheesh.

On another happy note, we will be attending my niece's wedding tomorrow after all! Yay! Which of course means that my oldest did not get incarcerated due to his being a complete fucking idiot. Yay!

Of course now I have to do my hair, so I bought a new titanium flat iron as this is ZOMG! SRS BIZNESS! But I'm going to wait until in the morning. I'm just so happy to have internet access at home again I'm going gaga. I've missed all my pagan sites soooo much! Plus I've already poured a glass of wine and I can't focus on the ZOMG! SRS BIZNESS! of my hair while drunk.

On a sad note, my former sister in law (my niece's mother) will be attending the wedding after all. In all my life I have never met a more unhappy person than her. PFC Tyler comes close, but this bitch is FUCKED. I'm so thankful I'll have my kids and my nephew there to avoid her as much as possible. I may even be a bitch myself (surprise there, no?) and hang out with my ex brother in law's (her ex hubby) new girlfriend, ROFL!

Oh one can make lemonade out of any lemons life throws at you!

On rum, getting cockblocked and the internet

Let me preface this by saying I'm reasonably inebrieated.

My evening plans were cockblocked (shakes fist at Assmitten as it's all HER FAULT dammit!) and I'm turning to alcohol to compensate for the lack of (actually) damn fine conversation. The sex would have been welcome but not required.

Anywho.

Yammering back and forth with the aforementioned Assmitten reminded me of why I lurv the interwebs so much. You get to meet some pretty fucking amazing people. And knowing these people can make some HUGE changes in your life.

Let me also mention that I met the dead husband on the internet almost 14 yrs ago and we eventually got together IRL and lived together and got married. So I don't really subscribe to the "every other person on the internet is an axe murderer" school of thought.

Over these past 14 years I HAVE met some pretty awesome folks who also moved into the IRL state. Back in the day I used to go to "chat parties" held in various cities across the country and meet people I talked to online. I even had one of those individuals (who I thought I was in love with) leave his wife and move in with me - for all of 2 days. Fortunately he wasn't an axe murderer, just an idiot. (Yes, I am a bad ass mama-jama despite what you read here.)

Mr. Davis aka umf is another of those people. Also one who has been a friend for 14 years and for all intents and purposes is my "spiritual partner". We've only managed to get together IRL a few times over those years, but we keep in touch almost daily and our kids even know each other.

Speaking of which, let me direct you to the website (I have been TERRIBLY remiss) Soul Patrol We grew that out of a combination of chat rooms and bbs on Prodigy back in the day. Since that time I've met a shitload of artists and attended the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies in NYC. (Buried deep in there is a rather um, risque listening party chat about Miles Davis' "Dark Magus" with yours truly having what was described by Michael Henderson as "damn fine sex online". Ok, Miles does that to me, what can I say? LOL)

Frankly, the thing that keeps me coming to the internet is PEOPLE. I love to meet new people from the safety of my computer. Yeah, I know folks can lie and pretend with the monitor in front of them, but truly I've only run into a few of those losers. The majority of people I've met and kept in touch with through the internet have enriched my life. Given me the opportunity to look at my own experiences through the eyes of others.

And THAT my friends, is MOST EXCELLENT.

now playing on my iPod "Down in It" NIN